"I didn't know you write songs!" and other reflections on my birthday

Hey there,

I'm writing you all quickly this week. I'm getting the hang of this professor'ing thing but time is still short most days. So, today will be brief but I'm hoping it'll give you all something to think about this week for you and your music.

Last week was my birthday. My wife Emma always throws me a birthday party and this year was no exception. I taught everybody how to play euchre, my all time favorite card game, and even put together an admittedly extra 25 slide presentation on how to play. (This is where our beautiful featured image comes from today, courtesy of my friend, Laryssa.)

What was different this year was that she organized a surprise jam session as part of my party. All of my friends brought their instruments and we jammed on a couple of my songs. It was my first time performing music with other people since we moved to Seattle back in 2020.

After we finished playing, my friends Ryan and Akash both turned to me and said pretty much in unison, "I didn't know you write songs - like, song songs!"

Who do you think you are?

Their reaction to my songs was totally justified! How could they possibly know that about me if they had never heard any of them before? What struck me the most about their reaction was how incongruent it was with how I view myself. I was a songwriter first before I was a composer. It's very core to my identity and sense of self.

But therein lies the question: how can something be so core to who I am yet some of my closest friends don't know it about me?

I, like you and everybody else, have this image of who I am in my mind. The people in our lives can only see this image if we show it to them. My friends can't know that I'm a songwriter if I never play them - or release - my songs.

I've written plenty around the friction I experience when it comes to releasing my music. I know for a fact that it's a friction most of experience on some level. That friction is most often an internal experience, just like the image we have of ourselves. When it gets externalized, like at my birthday jam, it's jarring.

To wrap this all up simply (I gotta go teach a class) I'd offer this: if you're struggling to release music, tell people about your music. Externalize this internal struggle. You might be surprised by the impact.

Til next time,

ZW